Learn the Unforced Rythms of Grace

As It Is In Heaven...

2007-02-09T22:29:00.000-08:00

Some times I wonder why people can not put their own judgements aside when calling themselves a "christian".
How many people know who and what they are but are afraid...is that God...fear? I feel society takes care of it's own better then the church. Granted if we are seen and not heard there is no condemnation for the reality of our own identity. So we hide in fear and trepadation for fear of being tossed from the "community" called "fellowship". They don't see the hidden tears we cry for acceptance and "true" Godly love...no they see the "label" Gay Lesbian Bi-sexual...before they look and get to know the talents and character of who we are. We have become slaves to the passions of fleshly "christs and remain in constant struggle to find a "true" community of spirituality.
Are we sinners in God's eyes? Does he see everyone not Str8 a fornication in his eyes? Are we in the last days where we are viewed as those turned into their own "fleshly" desires? Can we be "restored"? So many questions, so many answers....and in my opinion...not enough ears to hear and open hearts to love. Can we be christians and gay? the ultimate question!
There is pressure to conform..be "restored" to the str8 life, but what if it can't be then what...I become like the woman with the issue of blood...an out cast and I will only recieve my miracle when i get to heaven.
Some in the church love and remain and some can't see past the label we have "CHOSEN".
I draw weary of the fight in social organized religion and or spirituality. Maybe it's easy for you to say be yourself but what if you are paralysized by fear? So many words have filled my life it's not easy to re-think.
One thing remains, I to can open my arms wide...and I feel like I am still in hell on earth by the "fellowship of the church."
Why?

2006-06-10T17:42:00.000-07:00

DON'T YOU TELL ME GOD IS NOT REAL

2006-06-09T16:45:00.000-07:00

THE SET...BOMB!!!

Prayer, has no expiration date.

2006-05-05T17:31:00.000-07:00

Ever feel little?

Have no fear....

You may be little

but you're MIGHTY with God.

I Love You Mom

2006-05-02T14:40:00.000-07:00

This is my mom.

I love my mom, she has been an inspiration to me through out life.

Of course we can all go through life with our up's and down's but she has taught me to laugh no matter what life brings.

Her out goingness is something that has rubbed off on me and I can only say...thanks ma!

My mom is strong, beautiful and kind to all she meets and has taught me that no matter who you meet always great them with a smile. One of the things i like about my mom is that no matter the situation she is always in high spirits and smiling.

She is true example of integrity and love.

So mom...i just want to say..I love you and I appreciate all you've taught me and shown me to make me a better person. You are and have been my hero through your beauty, courage, and thoughout life.

I'm pretty sure God didn't make a mistake having you as my mom.

In fact, I highly reccomend that all kids have a mom like you to look up to in life.

So, mom, I love you forever,

your biggest fan and "baby girl"

My Nephew Is The Cutest

2006-04-30T10:21:00.000-07:00

Joyful, Joyful Lord We Adore You

2006-04-28T21:26:00.003-07:00

Check out the talent!
Check out the leadership qualities!
Check out the ability to let go and let God!
Check out how awesome God is...

BIG HUGS GUYS!!!
oops..and Gal!! hee hee

One Freaking Awesome Best Friend

2006-04-28T21:26:00.002-07:00

Christa,

When I don't feel like feeling

Or trying at all

When life looks too hard

And the road seems too long

When I'm broken in a hundred pieces

And can't face one more mile

You pick me up

And put me back together

And make me smile.

You Rock!

Never Forget Where Ya Came From...

2006-04-28T21:26:00.001-07:00

WAKE UP!!

All I can say about this group of mature bunch of "Yar-Mouthians" is...

I love these guys BIG TIME...

They all are our future,

why not invest in them...

I am!

Love you guys BIGGER!!

Relationships

2006-04-28T21:26:00.000-07:00

So here i sit wondering how the world rotates, and how people from so many different cultures full of generational stuff and traditional stuff all can get over them selves and just exsist and cohabitate.
So there i was at a youth festival full of teens from here to there, just watching the different groups get to know each other.
At first i noticed they all stayed with who they knew and where comfortable to be around. Then there were work shops in which people with the same interests gathered, which ment breaking up the different youth groups and expanding the horizan of socialization.
It was interesting to look at as i watched with amazement just how easy it was for one thing to join a once seperated passion into a joint effort to mesh into one familiar group.
I had a relative with me, my concern was "will he be ok, will he feel left out or out of place in this new spiritual envirnment" well to my surprise the answer was clear. It didn't take him to do anything but exsist...why, you ask...well, he is handsom and well put together and my cousin to boot. So I was the middle man who was hearing how cute he was and even though i tried to make people go on their own to say hi...shyness kicked in. But as the time continued to go by it was clear to me that relationships happen in unexpected ways... sometimes it's all about letting go, standing back and watching nature take it's course.
A friend of mine once told me that "time was the fortune teller" ... I'm understanding it on a daily basis.
So let me show you the evidence...Oh, by the way...i think i was the joining force, glue if you will in getting both parties over their shyness.
check it...!

Where is the Love

2006-03-06T18:31:00.000-08:00

I have a Dog, His name is Stanley.
I have a Cat, His name is Stuart.
Now you may be wondering what on earth i am doing telling you about my dog and cat...well it's quite simple. I love them both and i wanted to share my joy with you.
At times they are called T-Bone and Pork Chop but all in all they make me smile.
They are like a breath of fresh air. When i come home from a hard day they are always excited to meet me at the door and give me a make shift hug of their own. Now barring Stuarts attitude, depending on if he has adiquit food in his dish he strolls over as is if to say..."hey" then meets me sitting with badded breathe looking at his dish as if by a miracle it would fill itself.
How time flies. Stanley will turn 4 this year and Stuart will be 6.
They both come from broken homes. Stanley's truma was abuse and Stuarts owner died at an old age and left him to the vets. He was malnurished and had a half shaved tail and clumped furr. Stanley was the odd puppy who quivered in the back of the kennel hidding from the world. Of course that is what made me pick him out of the 8 that were there.
Just like people we at times see those who have been abused in some form or another but they seem to gravitate to the truth in us.
What truth do you have that people can see when they look into your eyes.
Will you take them home and love them back to security and health?
Jesus said. "let them come" who is "them"...ALL people no matter their wounds, no matter their story, no matter their type. He said COME TO ME AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST.
The vets called Stanley and Stuart hopeless cases and were going to put Stuart down. we came just in the nick of time to save him.
Will you do that, will you go the distance and help a stray?
Is it worth it you ask...well as far as i can tell Stuart and Stanley can't seem to get enough love. Like people they crave real love and care.
We spend alot of time with them, even though they each have their own personalities.
If you have been saved by grace why not pass it on...

Friends

2006-03-05T19:42:00.000-08:00

Today I was thinking about my friends.
How we first met.
How they knew nothing about me but there was something that they instantly liked about me that drew them to want to get to know me, inspite of me.
I realized that i use to live in yesteryear when the "old me" was in exsistance. I didn't like me much and thought, today, what has changed for people to want to get to know me now.
At times i fall back on yesteryear and get caught up in the failures and the times i caused great pain to people. I ask myself "have i changed?".
But today I realized this... When people meet you for the first time and want to get to know you, it's not about yesteryear it's about now. Now and the beyond.
I have tried my best to follow the example of Christ but most times i fall short but I no longer allow myself to beat myself up for past mistakes, rather, I chose to learn from them and move on...
I'm sure Jesus had some times with His disciples. I'm sure they didn't see eye to eye on things. For example...why did He let there be a trader among them and do nothing or say nothing when picking out his disciples. Could he not tell his heart at the get go. Was Jesus wanting to teach Judas something? My questions are endless and may never be answered.
So, I remain at the post of my thought...People obviously see something in me that they like. For me to try and change is pointless because then i am not being who they saw in the "raw".
So, though it has taken many years of judging, not others, but myself. I refuse to do that now and love the skin i'm in and rock on!
So to all my "Friends"...thanks for seeing something in me to want to join lives even when I don't see what you see.
I am honoured to call you all...my Friend!

I love little feet...

2006-03-03T17:41:00.000-08:00

Proud Auntie's picture of baby Dylan

2006-03-02T21:17:00.000-08:00

Love:

Something we cannot put into measurement how much of it we actually have...

A Gentle Reminder

2006-03-02T20:58:00.000-08:00

A Gentle Reminder

As I have been laying here trying to close the windows of my mind for yet another night I am gently embraced by the thoughts of how humility makes its presence known in a world of multicolored personalities rushed by the counting of days.
I am tickled by the rose colored cheeks I seem to see beyond the color of my own skin. I am gently caressed by the beauty of such souls in the world.
I can not but wonder the lesson, although many, I am to learn. But I remain steadfast in thought daily by the tender mercies I have witness by such a humble individualized set of people I have had the greatest pleasure of sharing my penned in time.
I wonder with amazement just how busy is my schedule, or just how consistent I am, or just how organized I have become, or even just how sick I really am. One other is the thought of just how open is open for me and why is that I have become so private. What in my life is so private that I must be the closed book of untapped integrity?
For through my organized hurried eyes, I have been brought to a slow crawl this night.
I am not sulking with shame, nor am I guilt ridden for I believe that some things needed to be said by our Lord are subtle and without launch power. Just gentle enough for one to embrace or even just to look again and think not about the bigness of one’s own world but also the bigness of another’s.
Elementary things muddle me, where as it is the Harvard things which become, at times, relaxed for me. This is neither to me.
How busy is my schedule. Every day I am in need of knowing how all aspects of my life are for that day. I fret upon cancellation.
I place a toe in the life of a woman I met while “she” speaks to me. Though home, job, and clothed…..never do I hear her talk about her schedule in life. Surgery has not taken her job… to her job must take her time.
How consistent am I?
I watch, as though through the eyes of a child, in amazement how the rivers of faces light up to see me. As though I were a great person I am welcomed as though I were somebody. To me I become small with shame for not being consistent because my boxed in schedule seemed to need more tending to all seven days of the week. But yet “he” tells me he’s been waiting for me to come back and hasn’t missed one Sunday. I am shamed by the thought that I am not as consistent as he.
How organized am I? I do not carry a bag though I should carry something so as to not have to empty my pockets upon every return home. I leave home and do not think about pen nor paper, only my cell phone and a crease in my pants. I am asked a question to which pen to paper are needed. As usual I pat myself down knowing full well I have neither. Then stop mid-stream while watching “her” undo the life and home on which she carries on her back, go through the tunnel that she knows so well to get to the pen she knows she has. Then turns the bag to the left and shifts it a little then a little more just enough to know that the paper will slide into her hand. It is many years old and many weathers later, but she knows and is organized. To me I would classify it as an organized mess but to her it is her home. She hands me the pen and paper.

Yet again I am faced with the thoughts each week of getting enough rest in order to work, run and play. Some days I stay in bed just because I “feel” I want to and because “the doctor told me to”. I use the signed paper from my doctor to verify this to myself. But then I am brought down to a humble mercy cry unto the Lord. I am faced to face with a smile with that pierces through even the hardest of hearts. The water lines of tears you hope do not fall on to deaf ears. I stand and stare waiting for something I am use to hearing…”how are you today”. Instead I am looked at then smiled at, then told how the surgery went just days before and how the rule of thumb was not to move for several weeks but instead how she couldn’t and didn’t want to miss work, also that she had to practice because she was part of a team that needed her in a competition. Then to top it all off…….she couldn’t not come because she wanted to be here today to see me. The pain she hid, the days she greeted with reverence, the streets she tended to, yet her health was the last of her worries. She daily puts herself last for fear she will not be there.
I have no words only tears to shed in awe.
Words are as powerful as you sound them out to be. This day I am on top of the world because I have just finished memorizing a verse from the bible that took me all week to memorize. I meant to spend the time but just couldn’t find it. I hand over a cup of coffee and as though I needed recompense for it I was halted by the air suddenly becoming a picture as I was given a poem. In my prideful head I felt that that was nice…until I was chopped of my high horse and brought to even ground. I was sought out and another thought of poetry gently caressed my ears. This time I listen and found that these where not out of any book but out of the heart of one who found a way to share each memory in the chapter of life for them. I explained how these should be put into a book, whereas the book was immediately handed to me. Many hands, eyes, and ears have been graced by this book it was plain to see. My heart asked God what was it that I was to do. The book has a hardier cover but the words remain the same as does the love behind the words.

We know that the good thing to do is to love the way we wish to be loved. Let’s look at ourselves and honestly ask what it is that we are missing, wish to be loved.
Let’s look at ourselves and honestly ask what it is that we are missing or wanting or even needing. Is it wishing to share with someone who would have enough time to really sit down and listen to our inner most unbridled even elementary thoughts or even to have someone to make us not feel alone no matter how packed the world we live in is?
Give it a thought, you are not the only one in the world who is thinking the same way you are and that we are all alike with different agenda’s but we all share the universal thing called “need”. Invest in something that has growth ability, sow into something that has a harvest so rich. If you need it chances are there is someone out there that needs the same thing. Whether it is a chance in life or just a quarter to call someone who cares!

God tells us to love with the love of God. These words are God in action. These words a not empty but truth abounding in creating in us a clean heart and renewing a right spirit within us all. There is no way to spend time with such a diverse, knowledgeable, and beautiful arena of people without touching the cross that shed blood so that we may live and know who God is.

I realized that if God where to come to earth before I would not have recognized him nor offered him bread. I am ashamed of whom I was but I humbly accept who God is making me into…HIS IMAGE.

If you still have a question on your breath, just ask yourself this:

W.W.J.D?

Ever Wonder where God is?

2006-03-02T16:08:00.000-08:00

He's not where you think He is...

All I did one day was look up and saw the Glory of God....

Right in my back yard..

This picture I took is the proof!

K.I.S.S, mean anything to ya?